I've had this sitting in my Drafts for almost 3 months now. I just couldn't post it. I think it's because I felt like it was more final that way. Dumb, I know, but it's just always been hard for me to press PUBLISH.
My Papa passed away a few months ago, a few days after coming home from the hospital. He passed quietly in his sleep that afternoon, a week before his 56th wedding anniversary to my Nana. He was surrounded by family and I truly believe all was right with him when he went. He told me maybe 6 months ago that he didn't like how people had to go through what he was going through. It was a moment I'll always remember. We rarely had serious conversations that didn't end in laughing at each other, making some wise ass comment, or that took an overly serious tone.
But he was right. He didn't think it was right for anyone to live a life like he did and not be in control of so much of it at the end. I couldn't agree more.
Papa was the most easy going, funny, witty, smart guy you could ever meet. He was sarcastic but wasn’t an old grump. He had a way about him. He was older than old school. He defined the term. He was the hardest worker, he did a job until it was done right, he truly was old school. He was a tough old Irish bastard from Dorchester Mass. who loved his family and friends and didn’t want to be fussed over. He was a Sea Bee. He was a loving husband, a father for 4, a grandfather of 9, and he lived to see his first great grandchild.
I miss him a lot. I can't imagine what my Nana is actually going through, I get small glimpses of it when I talk to her sometimes. I called her today and got her voicemail, only to hear my grandfather's voice asking me to leave a message. I didn't expect it and it kicked me in the balls. Bittersweet. More bitter than sweet. The lump in my throat hung around for a while after that.
But it's great knowing I can call my Nana and hear his voice still. I'm sure she feels the same way.
Papa, we love you, we miss you, but we know you're hanging around up there keeping an eye on us.
“To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart.”
-Daniel Patrick Moynihan