Summer of Dan

Killin’ with Schillin’…sorta

It may have taken place 3 weeks ago, but with the problems I've had with the Dell and having to rebuild it I couldn't get the pictures off of it and posted…until now.

Originally James and Megan were supposed to go with us to the game but so much time passed between all of us talking about James had a golf tournament he was in so they couldn't go. We were lucky to find anyone to be able to go because it was so last minute so at least someone got to enjoy the game, and it was cool that Flack and Nikki were around to go to the game at all. It would have totally sucked having the tickets go to total waste. If we didn't get them to come at the last second, this would have been a scene very common to us:

Flack and Nikki met us at the T-Stop we always use to go into Boston since I am not a fan of paying $100 for a parking spot at a nearby garage or lot. Sorry, call me cheap, but that shit doesn't fly with me.

After getting our Charlie Tickets and hopping onto the train Nikki showed the Niff some of the $1.00 coins she was given as change when she got her Charlie Ticket, at which point the Niff decided it was nice to throw Nikki's money around and drop it onto the oh so clean floor on the train about four dozen times before the lady sitting next to her finally handed it to her. After that I knew we were in for a good time.

When you are on a crowded train, one of the best things to do when someone stares at you is to just ignore them. Most people do. Unless you are Flack. If you're Flack, you pull up your hood, keep your reflective aviator glasses staring straight ahead and try to freak the guy out even more. Not sure how this would work if you tried it and were looking at a true nutjob, but who knows. Maybe it would knock them back into reality. Then again, maybe it would set them off. It would be funny to see though, wouldn't it?

The walk out of Kenmore to Fenway is always entertaining. The three most overheard phrases are, "Ya got tickets?", "Ya need tickets?" and "Programs!!! $3.00!!!!" A fixture on any walk to Fenway is the Jesus Pamphlet Guy. Dood has a giant sign that says if you read his pamphlets you can be saved. I would love to know what this man does for a living. I see him EVERYWHERE. He never says anything. EVER. He just stands with one in each hand looking straight ahead with his hand open waiting for you to take it. I always do. Makes the guy feel needed, or at least that is what I tell myself.

We got to Landsdowne Street where our gate was to get into Fenway and I headed right for The Sausage King. It is imperative that I get a sausage with all the works or no matter what the Sox lose. Always happens.

So I wolfed it down in two point five before we went inside the beauty that is Fenway Park. I hope it is still standing when we have kids some day. I remember my first game, and am just so psyched for people like Steve that can bring Alyza to Fenway and have the same experience that we had when we were kids.

It didn't take long for us to find our seats. They were AWESOME. I've sat there before in the bleachers for a Sox/Yankees game and it was one of the best (visually) games ever.

Most stadiums have this convoluted row numbering thing where it seems like you are in the right row but the number is actually off a row because it is displaying the row number for that row above the seats. Odd to explain but if you've ever been to Fenway or Gillette you know what I am talking about. Sure enough about 15 minutes into sitting in our seats a couple in front of us proceeded to think that everyone else was in the wrong row except them. Figures.

The weather was perfect. It wasn't freezing out like when we went in April and we weren't in the direct sun for long. The view was awesome, and it was the bleachers, the best place in Fenway. You feel like a bigger part of the Fenway Faithful when you are out with the Bleacher Creatures for some reason. It's like the pulse of the park.

Like I have said before, I am a huge fan of the random paparazzi photos and that night was no exception. I took a trillion pictures and one set of 3 in a row really freaked me out. I was taking pictures of Flack and Nikki in fairly quick succession and as you can see, it looks like Nikki is moving but Flack isn't…very…weird…Mr. Unabomber.

Before long the Niff and I were thirsty and she maneuvered her way down into the bowels of Fenway to snag us a drink and some peanuts.  Peanuts are a great snack because they have an almost unlimited shelf life, they don't get hot/cold and go bad, and you can eat them at your pace. There is an added bonus in that you get to drop the shells all over the ground and have someone else clean them up. How can you beat that??? We didn't think so either so we did this to prove it:

One of the highlights for me was biting into a peanut and having the shell explode into the hair of the girl in front of us. I could have told her about it, but not sure how she would have taken it and it was only a small piece of peanut shrapnel. Figured she was better off not even knowing.

Fenway is one of those awesome places to people watch. You see all walks of life. If you are really lucky (like we were) you will see a Femullet in person. The Niff did her best to get a picture to document this rare phenomenon:

The Hot Dog Guy in our area had just about the raspiest voice known to man. He could have given the Godfather a run for his money. He tried to be loud, but I'm guessing he had a tough time since it sounded like he smoked 3 packs of Marlboro Reds a day when he wasn't slinging processed "beef" at Fenway for $4.50 apiece.

There was a kid in our area that was doing his damndest to get the wave going but for some reason the security asshole must have been showing off for his new boyfriend that night and didn't like the wave happening so he kept squashing it. Asshat.

The game was pretty slow, and we acted on a hunch late in the game that the Sox wouldn't win it as momentum went the other way so we decided to beat the rush and duck out a bit early. It turned out to be the smartest move because in the end the Sox did lose, we beat all the traffic in the T-stations, and we were home "reasonably" early. Even though the Sox lost, a good time was had by all.

Even by the FanFoto guy I was taking illegal pictures of taking pictures of other people…

Fenway is one of those places you can't get enough of when you are there and never want to leave, and will do anything and pay just about whatever it takes to get you there in the first place. Going there twice this season was special, something I would do all the time before the won it all a few years back. Maybe it makes it even more special when I make it there now. I like to think it does.

Runner 2787

A few weeks back the Niff entered the Cigna 5K Race in Manchester. If you're a runner and you live in New Hampshire, you've more than likely run this race at some point in time. Even I did (about 5 years ago). It's a great course: starts you out on Elm Street (flat), then you turn down a street (downhill), then onto River Street (slight downhill) and onto Canal (downhill to flat) and then up one "big" hill. It's big because, well, there aren't any other hills during the race and its right at the end of the race.

Being a fat lazy bastard, I opted to not run and just take some pics and watch. I took a bunch of the Niff before the race, tried to take some during it, and had some fun paparazzi style camera shots after.

One of the best pics ever, the Niff had no idea I was even there. She was standing in the crowd listening to her iPod and holy shit this girl had her game face on.

In the mix of that picture bunch you can see a group of girls that I am sure thought I was taking their picture, when in reality I was aiming at the Niff behind them, so if you notice some of these douche canoes looking at me like I'm so guy that belongs on To Catch a Predator you know why.

After the race started, I immediately ducked into the Ben & Jerry's that was there for a New York Super Fudge Chunk on a chocolate dipped cone. I mean, it was hot out, and I needed to cool down so what else could I do, right?

I parked my fat ass by the finish line so I could see the Niff as she was coming up the hill and get some decent pictures. She was going to be hitting the finish line around the 22 or so minute mark so I had time to get into place.

The first finishers were done in almost 14 minutes, which kicks out about 4:40 minute miles. They expected the course record to fall because of the weather and some of the runners were the best of the best, but from the sounds of it, it appeared the guy from Morocco that was the big gun in the race turned down the wrong street when following the police escort and he lost some time. He was even lucky to make the race, as his plane was late and he showed up about 10 minutes before the gun kicked off the race. Talk about a shitty day.

Shortly after the first maybe 50 runners crossed the finish line this clearly deranged old man on a bike tried to cross the street and weave between the runners. He was walking his bike and stepped right in front of a group of runners that were racing each other to the finish line. If the cop that was standing there didn't scream at him and pull him back at the last second, either he would have been plowed over or the runner(s) would have been taken out. Obviously something was fucked up with him inside his head because he asked the cop why he couldn't cross there and how was he going to get where he was trying to go. Not a very bright man at all.

In particularly grand fashion, I saw the Niff and as usual I tried to get as many pictures of her as possible. I am sure if I had a better spot or a camera that I knew how to take great action photos with (the thing has manual settings but I have no idea what settings are good for what) we would have gotten better pics. You can see the Niff in front of the kid in the red shorts!

After the race I had to walk up past the finish line a ways to get into the Veteran's Park right there to meet up with the Niff. Since we parked back at the gym over the bridge we hurried out of there to beat the traffic. The Niff grabbed a few fuel items (bananas, yogurt, water) and we hurried off.

Because I am super annoying with the camera, I tend to set the camera to take multiple pictures within a half second of each other and I play Mr. Paparazzi man. This is highly amusing to me, but annoying to just about anyone else.

Panic button: where is it again?

I just don't get why everyone at my office comes up to me like I am the all time Sports God and asks me if "we" should start worrying about the Sox. They are all worried because the Yankees are gaining on us, but I told them they are very hot right now and we just aren't. Things will turn out fine, and we're in the playoffs if we win just 3 games. Who cares if we win the division. Sure it'd be nice, but we won the Series before being the Wild Card.

That said, I just walk around and tell them to find something else to worry about, like if the Patriots will ever even lose once this season. The Sox will bounce back, we are just fighting injuries and fatigue, and the Yanks will cool off.

I know it's only one game for both teams, but it appears I am right (at least for one day) as the Sox lead it 4-1 in the 8th in a game that pitching has been awesome for us, while the Yanks are getting the short end of the stick from the Jays right now by the same score, but in the 9th.

We'll see who has the pitching in October. I ain't skeeerd.    

All's Fair in lub and war

The Niff and I are huge fans of the New Hampshire Fair scene (if there is such a thing...). We looked forward to taking in the Hopkington Fair a couple weekends back. We opted to hit it on a Friday right after work so we could avoid the weekend rush. Smart move by us fo' sho'!

Rule # 1 when going to the Fair: take note of where you park. Always do this. Hell, take a picture of where you parked with your cellphone if you have to. Hopkington has multiple lots to park in and they aren't even remotely close to each other. If you go to the Deerfield Fair and lose your care, good fucking luck. The massive lot there is like 100 square miles.

Rule # 2: always bring a sweatshirt and a camera, especially if you are staying into the night. It always gets cold, and you'll be miserable if you at least don't have the option handy. You will need a camera to document the events, as well as the types of people you will surely run into. The fair is about the 2 F's: Food and Freaks. Yes, take note.

Rule # 3: quite possibly the most important rule of them all - bring plenty of cash for food. You don't want to get hit with a huge ass ATM fee and the cash will flow for sure if you are doing any normal amount of eating.

We wandered around a bit, not really having any one place in mind to go. It wasn't a huge fair, but just big enough to have plenty of things to look at and take in the sights.

Any place where you can see Alpacas that look like this guy is good in my book. It was kinda freaky because he stood there forever just staring at me.

The Niff and I have decided when we grow up and be big kids we're going to have a little house with some chickens and goats and alpacas. How could you not?? Look at the guy!!!

They are usually shy, but this one laying on the ground gave a little time to the Niff and was quite happy to be petted. He may not look too happy, but believe me, he is ;)

 

One of the most important things at the fair is getting good value for your buck at the food stands. There are about 10,000 booths for fries, some with cheese, some with vinegar, some with gravy. Some come in a dog bowl, some come on a giant plate. It's all about finding the right deal.

And of course, I got fucked. I was so excited to get some sausage and couldn't help but see a sign that screamed $3.00 for a sausage and a Coke. Before I knew it, I was at the counter getting my sausage that was a fraction of the size I thought it was going to be, as well as a Diet Coke in a small ass 2 oz. dentist Dixie Cup. I get back to the table where the Niff is sitting, and this dood sits down near us with exactly what I wanted! It was like 5 times the size of mine and the booth was about 10 feet from where we were sitting. Total ass.

 

One of the coolest things I've ever seen was this display of two moose that were "Forever Locked" (name of the exhibit) that were fighting and were stuck that way, only to die. Their carcasses were found by a hunter and it was preserved and they were stuffed to show people something that is simply amazing. Pretty cool shit.

There were little blurbs describing the action, how they were preserved, etc. One of the funnier signs we saw had us laughing forever and I had to snap a pic of it:

Oh really? Moose don't just cross at crossing signs? Holy shit! I thought they did! I'm glad I was made aware of this!!! I think the sign could save my life in the future! They shouldn't just leave this sort of life saving message on a display at a fair! They should post it on those yellow moose crossing signs too!!!

One of the biggest things I was looking forward to at the fair was the booth that will deep fry just about anything. Last year I had a Twinkie, and this year I was after the Double Stuffed Oreos. 6 for $5 is pretty damn pricey, but I had to have it. Had to have it.

This is what it looked like - a thing of beauty. I couldn't help but make love to it on sight. So glorious.

Oh yeah and this…God…just…God…

Look: I know kids take a lot of time to draw up really nice stuff for the 4H judging contest and stuff. Awesome.

But this couldn't help but remind me of Flack...I know it looks like a woman, I think that is why it reminded me of him even more.

This setup was pretty badass: haunted house that costs like $80, but the outside was pretty cool, along with this guy barfing into a barrel over and over again. Pretty sweet.

The fair was a lot of fun, but Deerfield is the best and that's coming soon. Can you dig it???

UJA: Unexpected Job Abandonment

The Niff and I were talking the other day about previous jobs we've had growing up and what happens during your tenure at some of these places. It seems we stumbled upon a phenomenon that is probably more common than anyone has really given any thought to: UJA or Unexpected Job Abandonment.

UJA occurs when for reasons usually known only to you, you abandon a job. Just one day, you never come back, and you never look back either. Sometimes this happens without a phone call and you just do what Mike Tyson did and faded into Bolivion. Sometimes you make up extremely elaborate stories that are only believable to you. Sometimes you outright lie.

But in the end, abandonment occurs.

Abandoning a job doesn't make you a bad person, it actually just makes you a bit normal. If you do it all the time, you quickly become unemployable, but I think everyone in their life at one point or another has abandoned a job or two.

• My brother has done this probably more times than any normal person would care to admit (but a fact he would be proud of for sure).
  
  
• I am not 100% sure but if I had to bet my life on it, Mark and Steve seem like prime candidates for UJA as well. Shit, they could very well be the President and Vice President of UJA.



• Flack strikes me as someone that would pull this off with some serious style, opting to be that guy that was still talked about years later.
  
  
• I am 100% sure that Will has done it as well, especially since he's one of those guys that is too nice and can't say no to people. Much easier just pretending you never worked at a place, right?



• Kraig may seem like someone that wouldn't do it, but I think he has it in him, especially when he was younger.



• The Niff told me she outright lied to a place saying she wasn't going to school (place of employment to remain nameless) so she could get a summer job. At the end of the summer, sure enough, the Niff was gone. Another time she just didn't want to go back so she didn't. Not even to collect her check. Bastards never even sent her the check...isn't that illegal?? Anyways, that's not the point...



• I wouldn't be so bold to proclaim myself the King of UJA, but damnit, I do it in some serious style, and I've done it many, many times. Just a few off the top of my head:
  
  
  • My first job was at Canobie Lake Park. I worked 2 days at the slushie cart. I was stung at least two dozen times in two days, cause damnit, those fucking bees love the sweet nectar of slush. Not only did I never go back, I never called them. This would be the beginning of my UJA history.
  
  
  
  • When I was in high school and worked for Shaw's I told them I was unable to work the summer for them because my epileptic father needed me to help with the family business. Months later I was in that same Shaw's and the manager walked up to me to ask me how my father was and how things were going. She also mentioned I was still on the payroll when things settled and I could come back. I never went back. Or shopped there for over 2 years. Yes, I am going to hell, don't judge.
  
  
  
  • After high school when I worked in a door factory I worked with about 30 straight up rednecks. Constantly berating me for the little things, I was close to the end of my rope. After hurting myself at Patriots Training Camp one week, I never heard the end of it from these stupid ass rednecks that should have been pumping my gas. I called in the next day and told the head boss I wasn't coming back. Ever.
  
  
  
  • After 3 months of "working" at Best Buy and never being trained to do what I was hired for, I walked into "work" to tell the manager I was "resigning". He seemed floored, so he asked me why and I told him: the dumbass mother fucker that was supposed to train me was never around, never returned my calls, and was a stupid fucking moron. It just so happened the kid I was talking about was in fact working that day and I could see him from where I was filling out the paperwork to cut my ties from that shithole. The "manager" called him over the loud speaker about 5 times while he stood there for about 20 minutes chatting it up with someone from another section. As I finally finished the paperwork and handed it to him the dumbass finally made his way over to us as I walked away. Talk about a fuck up.
  
  
  
  • Right before I was lucky enough to get the job I have today I "worked" at a place that installed and repaired electrical doors, much like what you see at supermarkets and stores all over the place. I "worked" there for 2 full days and the day I was hired they told me I could never call in sick as there was no coverage. I told them it wouldn't be a problem. Day 2 finished and I was looking for a phone cord to hang myself. Worst job ever. Lucky for me, the State called wanting an interview the next day. Now, I had zero time built up, but shit, I got "sick" so I called in on Wednesday. Went to the interview, nailed it, and got a second interview for Thursday so I called in "sick" again. I mean, no one wants to get strep throat from a coworker, right?? So I get the job that Thursday after the interview, and Friday morning as I am getting ready for my shit job at the door place they call me and apologize for me being sick and that it would be good if I didn't come back. I thanked them in my best fake voice, as they said they would pay me for the entire week. Best deal ever.

I am sure there are more, but these are the big ones that jump out at me. Personally, I think anyone worth their salt at one point in time has gone AWOL from a job, but that's just me.

Worst reality show on TV right now...

...goes to Sox Appeal. Could be the worst show on TV overall, but it is definitely the worst reality show on TV.

Let's see: Take someone that is looking to go on a dating show and meet 3 people during a Red Sox game in probably some of the best seats in the house, face them toward each other and away from the game and see what happens.

End result? Visual dogmess. It is terrible. They always seem to have the most cracked out whores or former frat boys (15 years former), and mix in 3 people that are usually not their type and totally the opposite of what they are looking for and that is what you get.

It's sad because I think NESN could have done a lot better than that crap.

Bald men with no job and no money...

If I had to guess, I'd say I've probably seen just about every Seinfeld episode at least a dozen times. Maybe even two dozen. In my eyes, it's the greatest show ever to grace the TV.

Watching it tonight during dinner and I almost died laughing from a few of my favorite quotes from George:

"Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women."

"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!"

"Drink your soda! Come on! I know you're in there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing! I had to go to Reggie's, Jerry! Reggies!"

I can't think of any other show that has coined more terms that are used today than Seinfeld. "Putting it in the vault", "double dipping", "shrinkage", "regifting", "low talker", "high talker", "close talker", "worlds colliding", just to name the first few to come to mind.

For those that don't know, I named my blog (with the quote in the banner) after one of my favorite episodes. If I had to watch only one show until the end of my life, this would be it, by far. If I had to pinpoint why I love it so much, it is probably because I can relate to a lot of the storylines. In many ways, the Niff and Steve both say I remind them of George. At the same time, Niffy reminds me of Elaine and Steve is Jerry if I have ever seen someone that is like him.

It's not just what they do, it's the conversations they have, it's how they break down their thought process, and it's just a million other things that are not easily pinpointed. I love the fact they don't have a million friends and the show centers around a core group of people. They have that square dynamic: Jerry has been best friends with George since high school, Jerry dated Elaine for a while, and Kramer is connected to all of them through being Jerry's neighbor.

I don't know, it just rings true for me on so many levels, from the topics they bring up in the show to the way that George reacts and handles certain situations.

On one hand, I'm glad they ended the show before it started going downhill, but on the other, I'm selfish and wish they kept it going for a few more seasons. When I look at my own life and the friends I surround myself with, I realize I don't need more seasons on DVD...I'm living it. And happy to be.

Living a fantasy life

Fantasy sports has been a passion of mine for almost 10 years now. I love the dynamics of it, I love drafting players, and I love the unique insight I have over a lot of my opponents in my leagues because I watch college football and see sleepers coming before many of them do. They don't always pan out, but it's a slight edge and in the leagues I play in, any edge is worth having.

I had a draft early this morning on ESPN with Mark, Steve, and a bunch of other people from work, and it went well for the most part, aside from guys getting bumped out here and there and the system freezing here and there causing guys to select players they wouldn't normally.

Now, as I was sifting through the linebackers I noticed someone I haven't seen in a while and I had to snag a screenshot of it:

Yes, that is right: Ted Johnson. To the casual football fan, maybe this means nothing, but to anyone that is more than that, especially anyone that is a huge Patriots fan, you'd know that Johnson hasn't played since the Patriots won their last Super Bowl in 2004.

Very odd, but pretty damn funny. I wonder if anyone else creeped into the draft that has been retired for 3+ seasons or more. I didn't have time to check as Steve bitches at me any time the draft ticker goes past 10 seconds whenever I pick. Just to piss him off, I think next year I will let the clock drop down to 88 seconds before making each and every pick.

Yeah, I think I will do just that...