The Niff and I were talking the other day about previous jobs we've had growing up and what happens during your tenure at some of these places. It seems we stumbled upon a phenomenon that is probably more common than anyone has really given any thought to: UJA or Unexpected Job Abandonment.
UJA occurs when for reasons usually known only to you, you abandon a job. Just one day, you never come back, and you never look back either. Sometimes this happens without a phone call and you just do what Mike Tyson did and faded into Bolivion. Sometimes you make up extremely elaborate stories that are only believable to you. Sometimes you outright lie.
But in the end, abandonment occurs.
Abandoning a job doesn't make you a bad person, it actually just makes you a bit normal. If you do it all the time, you quickly become unemployable, but I think everyone in their life at one point or another has abandoned a job or two.
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My brother has done this probably more times than any normal person
would care to admit (but a fact he would be proud of for sure).
- I am not 100% sure but if I had to bet my life on it, Mark and Steve seem like prime candidates for UJA as well. Shit, they could very well be the President and Vice President of UJA.
- Flack strikes me as someone that would pull this off with some serious style, opting to be that guy that was still talked about years later.
- I am 100% sure that Will has done it as well, especially since he's one of those guys that is too nice and can't say no to people. Much easier just pretending you never worked at a place, right?
- Kraig may seem like someone that wouldn't do it, but I think he has it in him, especially when he was younger.
- The Niff told me she outright lied to a place saying she wasn't going to school (place of employment to remain nameless) so she could get a summer job. At the end of the summer, sure enough, the Niff was gone. Another time she just didn't want to go back so she didn't. Not even to collect her check. Bastards never even sent her the check...isn't that illegal?? Anyways, that's not the point...
- I wouldn't be so bold to proclaim myself the King of UJA, but damnit, I do it in some serious style, and I've done it many, many times. Just a few off the top of my head:
- My first job was at Canobie Lake Park. I worked 2 days at the slushie cart. I was stung at least two dozen times in two days, cause damnit, those fucking bees love the sweet nectar of slush. Not only did I never go back, I never called them. This would be the beginning of my UJA history.
- When I was in high school and worked for Shaw's I told them I was unable to work the summer for them because my epileptic father needed me to help with the family business. Months later I was in that same Shaw's and the manager walked up to me to ask me how my father was and how things were going. She also mentioned I was still on the payroll when things settled and I could come back. I never went back. Or shopped there for over 2 years. Yes, I am going to hell, don't judge.
- After high school when I worked in a door factory I worked with about 30 straight up rednecks. Constantly berating me for the little things, I was close to the end of my rope. After hurting myself at Patriots Training Camp one week, I never heard the end of it from these stupid ass rednecks that should have been pumping my gas. I called in the next day and told the head boss I wasn't coming back. Ever.
- After 3 months of "working" at Best Buy and never being trained to do what I was hired for, I walked into "work" to tell the manager I was "resigning". He seemed floored, so he asked me why and I told him: the dumbass mother fucker that was supposed to train me was never around, never returned my calls, and was a stupid fucking moron. It just so happened the kid I was talking about was in fact working that day and I could see him from where I was filling out the paperwork to cut my ties from that shithole. The "manager" called him over the loud speaker about 5 times while he stood there for about 20 minutes chatting it up with someone from another section. As I finally finished the paperwork and handed it to him the dumbass finally made his way over to us as I walked away. Talk about a fuck up.
- Right before I was lucky enough to get the job I have today I "worked" at a place that installed and repaired electrical doors, much like what you see at supermarkets and stores all over the place. I "worked" there for 2 full days and the day I was hired they told me I could never call in sick as there was no coverage. I told them it wouldn't be a problem. Day 2 finished and I was looking for a phone cord to hang myself. Worst job ever. Lucky for me, the State called wanting an interview the next day. Now, I had zero time built up, but shit, I got "sick" so I called in on Wednesday. Went to the interview, nailed it, and got a second interview for Thursday so I called in "sick" again. I mean, no one wants to get strep throat from a coworker, right?? So I get the job that Thursday after the interview, and Friday morning as I am getting ready for my shit job at the door place they call me and apologize for me being sick and that it would be good if I didn't come back. I thanked them in my best fake voice, as they said they would pay me for the entire week. Best deal ever.
I am sure there are more, but these are the big ones that jump out at me. Personally, I think anyone worth their salt at one point in time has gone AWOL from a job, but that's just me.
