Summer of Dan

Aim for the dome

I saw this image presumably of the inside of a Borders.

Some people think I'm half cocked when I talk about Zombies. But they are legit.

Just remember - blades don't need reloading.

Talk to your UPS guy

Today I asked our UPS guy at work if he'd ever seen Castaway. He said he had, and that UPS actually turned down the movie producers because UPS is very image conscious and they didn't want to worry customers about crashing into the ocean with their shit. He didn't see the big deal, but said he didn't make those kinds of decisions. I asked him if he would have opened that final package that Tom Hanks ends up delivering at the end. His reply was golden.

"Hell yeah, I open shit all the time!"

Whether he was kidding or not matters nothing to me - FedEX officially sucks and UPS rules. I know this because just then the FedEX guy pulled up and I asked him if they acted like gunslingers in the Old West when they walk past each other and he said the FedEX guy wouldn't even look at him.

He was right.

Forget seeing an NYPD vs. NYFD hockey or football game - I want to see a UPS vs. FedEX game.

What lurks below

You might want to start taking the trash out in the morning instead of at night...

Last kid picked...at 29

Last night we had our final preseason workout, it was a break from the norm - we did our usual warmups and then instead of doing agility and positional drills the rest of the time we were split into 4 groups for some 2-hand touch competition. Shortly before we split off we named Zap a captain for the season. Very deserving and I know he'll held lead our team into playoffs.

As soon as we lined up I told my buddy Joe that I would be the last kid picked.

And I was.

To be fair to myself and the process, our owner/GM/former QB Jim split us up as equally as possible. If I looked on the bright side perhaps I could venture to say that I was last because no one is quite like me. But that's laughable.

Nickola told me not to take it personally, that it means nothing because him and I were the only 2 guys on the entire defense to start every game all of last season. And he's right. That's why he's a captain too. But It still sucks.

Zap tried making me feel better, posting to me on Facebook "...every team killed us. me and levesque tried to get you on our team but it was better that you werent. you didnt have to feel the pain of getting killed repeatedly."

Always looking on the bright side. But that's what captains do, make light of the bad.

I won't mope around and whine about it, I just never thought "being picked last" at my age would be something that would have the same psychological effect it had even 20 years ago.

I took out my aggression pretty well on the opposing teams. We were 1-1-1 in our games and our defense was outstanding for all our games, except the second half of that one loss where we came apart.

Fuel for the fire I guess. Our team has a lot of talent this year and people are gunning for my position. As if I didn't have a big enough reason to push myself that much harder, I do now.

I can't carry your load

As the weather seems to get better I think about updating more often. Is there a link?

• I've always wanted to pick up a hitchhiker. Not a creepy dood that looks like he wants to murder me and us my head for a bowling ball after, but someone that honestly looks like they really need a ride. The Niff would never allow this, she thinks I'm nuts, but sometimes people need a quick lift, right? Maybe I should try this sometime when I have a couple buddies of mine in the back seat with loaded guns. Just in case.
  
• The stink of a protein shaker cup after it's been used and has been sitting in the sink all day is worse than what I imagine 100 dead bodies stacked in a woodshed in the middle of the summer smells like.
  
• If a sport could be offended by passive / non-caring "fans", I think men's college basketball would be the most. How many people really know anything about even a single team when it comes to March Madness? Seriously. Think about it.
  
• HBO reportedly is working with Netflix so people can instantly watch HBO shows online. This is fucking awesome.
  
• I read a shitload of blogs and one kind of blog I love reading is a food blog. It's like food porn. Only it can turn to hell if they take bad pictures or pictures of the food they mad has terrible lighting. Pictures are what make the food blogs worth reading. Get some better fucking lighting.
  
• The Niff and I ate breakfast the other day in Tilton at the Tilt'n Diner. Awesome breakfast, and as soon as you walk in they have old school magazines and comics you can buy wicked cheap. I could have easily walked out of their with $30 in comics. But the Niff came back from the bathroom too fast.
  
• I've eaten 3 burritos in 3 days. 2 of them were vegetarian. I feel like a vegetable garden now.
  
• The Niff are off to North Conway this weekend for our annual anniversary get away. Yes, we are packing the XBox.
  
• I wrote last year how much I loved my cellphone. I was all over the Dare. Loved it. Now I hate it. It's like Verizon had a major push for this phone and abandoned it. I want to chuck it into the river. And buy the new Blackberry coming out in May.
  
• Having a Kindle made me realize I can read books in public I normally wouldn't be caught dead reading. Not that I have any books that I would read in secret like that...

The Madness is just beginning...

Seasonal Happiness

One thing that's funny about living in New England is the weather. It changes so quickly, you never know what you'll get. It could be 60 degrees on Friday and then 20 on Saturday with snow. The transition from winter to spring is always a frustrating one for that very reason. You can't really count on the weather during that time to do what the weather people say.

But you can count on one thing.

As it warms up, everyone is uber friendly. It's like they've come out of their hibernation and are just happy to be alive. Random strangers say hello, hold open doors for you, let you go at an intersection.

And then when the good weather is here to stay it changes again. People forget how shitty it was before and they take it for granted again. I was talking to the Niff the other day and she said exactly what I was thinking - it was the same way a couple weeks after September 11th. In our generation and a couple before, this country seemed so united and patriotic and had a striking bond that was almost palpable. It was us against the world and we were sticking together.

And then it faded. Slowly and then quicker and quicker.

People are a fickle creature. Don't take for granted the sun shining or that we have our freedom. I know I don't.

Real life comics

I love comics of all kinds. I just posted a few of my favorites the other day. This is a classic as well.

The Amazingly awful Race

This sunday the Niff and I ventured down to Lowell for the final leg of our 3 part race series - 5 miles through the city of Lowell.

She ran the course a couple years ago and I had the only vaguest of ideas where to park when we got there, but we had a suggestion map from the race site for locations to park. We showed up about 40 minutes early for the race and rolled past the starting line looking for a place to park.

To say that it was a nightmare is fucking laughable. By the time we parked in a parking garage and talked to 3 people that just happened to all be batshit crazy we had about 15 minutes before the start of the race. We ended up looping back to the car and talked to a cop we saw that said we were about a mile to a mile and a half from the starting line.

Fucking great.

We got into the car and I headed where he told me to and apparently he's not a runner, nor has any sense of distance because it was less than 1/4 mile away. Had he pointed us in that direction and told us it was that far we could have jogged there without issue.

But no.

Instead we rolled up to around where we parked a few years ago, only to find zero spots, not even a snowballs chance in hell finding a spot. We did our best to find a spot. We had no choice.

We left.

I can't recall a time I was angrier or more disappointed in myself and frustrated and upset. A couple time I screamed I wanted to crash the fucking car into the median and blow up. The Niff was less angry, but understandably upset - she's never missed a race for any reason...ever. Injury, being late, not finding the place, etc. Never.

I was so pissed, I was done with running. I was going to go home and feel sorry for myself. I was truly pissed at myself.

But the Niff had the idea to run our own private race. There is a 5 mile course she runs when training, it's right outside our door, she knew all the mile markers to track my pace, and we'd put in the 5 miles. I was resistant because I was still seething mad. But I changed my tune.

And we ran. It was a little more than 5 miles, and just as difficult (probably more) than our real race course based on the elevation profiles, and she paced me wonderfully as usual, and we finished in 55:30.

I am upset we missed the race to complete my tri-force-like medal, but it was more about the accomplishment than the t-shirt and medal.

And because I'm a glutton for punishment I signed up for a 5 mile race in Boston, in the same place where the Niff runs her half marathon. But it will be my first long race without my personal pacer so we'll see how it goes. Who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself.

Out of all this I did learn one thing: if we did The Amazing Race together I'd likely kill someone in the process.

But it would make for good TV.

Running it out

Last sunday the Niff and I ventured to Lawrence for our 4 miler, the second leg in our 3 part racing series. I was shooting for 11 minute miles, a bit slower than our 3 miler but it was longer so I figured it made sense.

It was pretty cold out so I threw on a sweatshirt, even though I figured I'd be dying in it halfway through. It turns out I was glad I had it.

By the start of the race it was snowing in clumps and the wind was terrible. We started off at a good pace and then I saw the hill. Normally hills don't really bother me, I just put my head down and pretend I'm a tank, rolling up it at my pace.

But the wind was insane, blowing right into our faces. As we got to the top of the hill I saw we needed to bang a right...up another hill. And then another.

We made it and the Niff even ran up ahead and grabbed some water for me and then we ventured down the other side of the hill and looped back to the starting line.

I think the people that designed this 3 race series sat down and had a conversation similar to this:

"Hey, I think we should go past scenic views of the cities and landmarks."

"Screw THAT, let's have people run through the worst ghettos of each city. I think it will make for faster race times."

"YES!!! That's a great fucking idea!!!"

I guess it does put a little extra hitch in your step, a little more incentive to run a bit faster.

The Niff paced me wonderfully again to a 43:30 finish, exactly what I wanted. I don't think I can pace myself even close to as good as that, but maybe I have a shot if I do "my little shuffle" as she says.

We'll see...in May...

Comics mimicing real life

XKCD is the one of the best comics, as is AbtruseGoose. Here are a few of my favorites: