Emotion is one of my favorite words because it doesn't really describe any one thing. It describes someone's thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Emotions aren't wrong, they just are. I have friends that are seemingly emotionless but when you get to their core they just keep their feelings close to the vest. How people react in different situations, how people think and feel fascinates me.
Before the Red Sox won it all in 2004 and before they came back from 3 games down to the Yankees, every pitch in that postseason I was on edge. When they beat the Yankees 4 straight, I was worried they wouldn't win. And when they won it all I felt like a giant monkey was lifted off my back. I was only 24. Some people lived 70 years with that feeling. I can't begin to imagine what that was like. Fast forward to 2009. When they went out in the first round against the Angels and barely put up a fight I was upset. But I wasn't devastated. Because the monkey was gone. It doesn't make me any less a diehard Sox fan, it almost put things into perspective. Kinda (because let's be real - if Jason Bay really is gone for good, that would really really suck).
When I was 12 and hit by a car, immediately after I thought I was going to die. 30 seconds after I was angry that the guy that hit me fucked my bike up. 10 minutes after that I was half naked in the street as the firefighters cut my clothes off on a cold November night to see if I had any major injuries and I was feeling embarrassed. A couple hours I felt relieved that nothing was broken. In less than a few hours I felt just about every emotion you could feel and I was barely 12 years old.
When Vinatieri and the Patriots upset the Rams in the Super Bowl as 14 point underdogs, as that ball sailed through the uprights I bolted up and almost shot my then girlfriend out the back of my best friend's house. I was running around like a mad man, I was numb. I was so happy I was crying and we screamed for what seemed like an hour. And while all this went on my then girlfriend just sat there, pissed off that I bumped her when I stood up. She never got it. She was a miserable bitch anyways.
I carefully planned my proposal to the Niff over three years ago to be the end to her first road race on Thanksgiving Day. I chose that day because of what I knew it meant to her and also for what it meant to me. Thanksgiving has always been that ultimate day - it's always been about family and friends (ok, and food and football too). I proposed to her in front of our families and friends and she was totally shocked. But after I saw the picture in the paper the next day I had regret. Regret that I wore my Michigan hat for some reason instead of my Sox hat I always wear. Odd huh?
Coming into the league 8 years ago I never dreamed of winning a championship. My career record prior to this season is shockingly awful: 3-7, 2-8, 1-9, 1-9, 2-8, 2-8, 3-5. That doesn't include 3 seasons where we made playoffs and we promptly lost those games as well so chalk up 3 more losses in the L column. And then out of nowhere a 9-1 season and a championship trophy. Winning it all felt so similar to the Sox winning it. The monkey wasn't even off my back, he was finally dead. I laughed, I cried a bit, I was on Cloud 9. I still am. Every day I wake up I think about that. I'm thankful for my teammates, my coaches, my family and friends that have supported me not only through this season but throughout my career. And I smile.
Emotions are funny things. Sometimes songs will bring out random feelings or memories of the past. Sometimes reading a book again reminds you of someone that used to be in your life but has moved on. And the best part of it is your emotions are never wrong. They're your emotions and they might not always make sense to other people, but they are yours.
That's a good thing.
