Summer of Dan

Deflated like a beachball at Fenway

Last night as I was getting ready for the gym I asked the Niff if she's seen my workout notebook. I keep track of all the cardio, cross training, and lifting I do. I have gotten out of the groove of doing that and was looking to get back into it and needed my notebook. The exchange went like this, verbatim.

Me: "Hey, do you know where my workout notebook is?"

Niff: "Why do you need it?"

Me: "To keep track of my progress"

Niff: "Hold on a sec, I can help you with that, I just need to find any old blank notebook"

Goddamnit. She's good. Too good.

Talk to your UPS guy

Today I asked our UPS guy at work if he'd ever seen Castaway. He said he had, and that UPS actually turned down the movie producers because UPS is very image conscious and they didn't want to worry customers about crashing into the ocean with their shit. He didn't see the big deal, but said he didn't make those kinds of decisions. I asked him if he would have opened that final package that Tom Hanks ends up delivering at the end. His reply was golden.

"Hell yeah, I open shit all the time!"

Whether he was kidding or not matters nothing to me - FedEX officially sucks and UPS rules. I know this because just then the FedEX guy pulled up and I asked him if they acted like gunslingers in the Old West when they walk past each other and he said the FedEX guy wouldn't even look at him.

He was right.

Forget seeing an NYPD vs. NYFD hockey or football game - I want to see a UPS vs. FedEX game.

That's a cool look

So Jen and I were at the gym the other day and I see a group of four women learning how to workout from the trainer there at the gym. There is an Albino girl in the group and you don't see one of those every day, so I had this brief but funny conversation with the girl:

Me: Awwww, I feel bad for her. That must be tough being like that.
The girl: I don't know, that's a pretty cool look I think.

I don't think anyone has ever said that in the history of mankind.

And that is what made it so damn funny.

Yes, Jen, you are going straight to Hell, but at least you'll have company because I couldn't stop laughing.

We're all going to Hell in a hand basket

"Referring to debate over foreign operations of U.S. ports, President Bush says "people don't need to worry about security.""

 

Oh I see, we should just take your word for it, Mr. President. You haven't lied to us before, or misled us into thinking things were bigger than they actually were, right? You're an honest guy, I don't see the harm in following you blindly.

 

It's very tough to think that this idiot is going to be in the White House for another few years.

How do you plan a getaway?

All I've read and heard about the last few days has been the story of a wife who sprung her boo from police custody by blasting some cops and taking off. Well, that's old news now because they've been captured. Apparently they bummed a cab ride (for 115 miles), and although they planned their getaway very well, they should have worked on their stories and poker faces a bit more. Apparently, the escaped Tennesee inmate and his wife's cover of going to "Amway convention" made the cabbie suspicious because "to be honest, they weren't very pushy about their product and I've dealt with them before".

Big ups to the cabbie for figuring that out and calling the police. Negative one thousand points for the dumb ass couple and their lame ass excuse.