The girl and I had a fantastic vacation. We were so busy doing stuff I never had a chance to actually sit down and write about it or throw in some pictures from any of our adventures so I figured I'd write separate entries for each day and recap what went down. At first I was going to backdate all of my entries, to be the day when stuff really happened, but I thought that was too "fake" by saying things like "Today we…" when most everything happened over a week ago. That said, enjoy :)
Friday – Day 1
The Niff and I spent the entire week before our vacation kicked off saying things like, "4", "3", and "Yay!" as we counted down the days to our vacation. Waiting for the Niff to get out of work, I finished off the new Harry Potter and was content with how it all ended. I thought it was a fantastic book, and J.K. Rowling really did wrap everything up, leaving no questions that would bother the Potter freaks out there.
Note: Just because I've read all the books doesn't mean I'm a nerd or a Potter Freak. I don't debate anything about it, I don't stay up all night pondering why Harry did this or why Snape did that, and I didn't have to be admitted to the hospital prior to the release of Deathly Hallows because I was trying to always guess what would happen in the end and made myself physically ill over it.
One thing I do hope that will come out of it would be for the producers of Lost to see how well it was all wrapped up. There are 10 billion questions that need to be answered in that show and they have 3 seasons to do it. If they don't, I might be one of those losers in the hospital because of one or two plot holes they didn't seal up.
The girl and I had tickets to see The Simpsons Movie at 7:35pm and I wanted to get there as early as possible to make sure we got good seats. Because I got the tickets in advance we didn't need to wait in line, because if we did, we would have been screwed. There was a line almost out the door, and it was pretty cool walking right to the usher to going in while everyone waited to buy their tickets. It was like E-Z Pass but for the movies.
It was better than I thought, and they blended the old with the new, but stayed true to their roots. I loved it, as did the girl, and I would definitely see it again. There are a handful of surprises that I think the true fans will find more than enjoyable. It was the first time in a long time that we got to see a movie opening day so that was pretty cool. Some people need lessons though in walking down aisles when others are sitting there. It's quite simple actually: you get to the end of the aisle, and you pause and say "excuse me" to the person at the end. You then proceed to shuffle to where you want to sit, saying "excuse me" as needed. At no point are you to stop in the aisle and turn around to talk to your friends and ask them "if this is a good row". Why? Because you're standing in front of me and creeping me the fuck out. Seriously, slide back the way you came immediately and don't even attempt to carry on a full blown conversation about how you got this new rash down there the other day. If you do, you run the risk of me Bangkoking you and actually seeing if you do have a rash there. Use common sense assnuggets.
As the girl and I left the theater, I felt like I was 50 years old, listening to 10 year olds that are mouthing off at each other saying things like "fuck this" and swearing up a storm while they wait for their parents to pick them up. When I was a kid if my dad heard me say that he would have beaten my ass. Not only that, but back in the day if he heard any kid mouthing off like that he would have thrown the fear of God into him. Any parent would do that, and it's like taking care of the community, you know? Nowadays you even look at someone's kid the wrong way and they are flipping out at you, wanting to either fight you, sue you, or just scream at you. The world is a very different place since I was a kid. It sucks.
Saturday – Day 2
My second game of the season was postponed until Labor Day due to lightning. It was a bittersweet moment, as I was a bit banged up at the time but I was amped and ready to go. To make the best of having the extra day that was wide open we did what anyone would have done: cleaned.
Boring? Yes. Needed. Yes. The girl and I decided it would be best to get the cleaning of the place out of the way early in our vacation so we wouldn't need to worry about it and enjoy our whole week. In hindsight, it was one of the best decisions we made the entire week.
We called Jessie to see if she wanted to hang out since she was supposed to come to the game, and we all decided we'd hit the mall in Salem and go bowling after.
We were all hungry so we hit Bertucci's for a late lunch/dinner. If there was ever an Award for Worst Waitress Ever, I think I would have handed it out that day. The lady that came over to us seemed drunk as fuck. She asked us if we wanted wine, we told her no, that none of us drank, so she does what any logical drunk waitress would do: she left it on the table for us. She takes our drink order and comes back with the drinks and notices the bottle is still unopened and we are in fact not drinking it. She then proceeds to tell us "how proud she is that we didn't crack the bottle open", as if we were alcoholics and passed the test.
Thanks lady.
At the same time, I finished my drink even before I ordered and she said I was going to wear her out making trips to refilling my soda and I was going to piss her off. She then muttered something about doing something that was going to make her puke or something to that effect.
At no point in time did this lady think anything she was saying or doing was inappropriate, I think that is the saddest part in all of this.
We ordered lunch, ate, and still left a reasonable tip. In retrospect, perhaps I should have left a tip on the credit card slip: don't show up to work drunk and act like an invalid when you are serving me.
We walked into one clothing store (H&M?) and it looked like a bomb went off in there: clothes off the hangers on the floor, clothes draped over other clothes. It looked like a teenage girl's bedroom after a sleepover party. I didn't even bother trying to weave in and out of the clothes on the floor so I ended up stepping all over clothes people may want to buy. It was the worst I have ever seen. There was a sale there, but it wasn't one of those earth shattering sales where you see people lining up at the doors before the store opens and bull rush their way in and trample old ladies to get "those jeans".
We wandered around the mall for a bit before heading out. We hit a small little newshop booth that was selling drinks and the Niff spotted FUSE so we had to get a few bottles since it's impossible to find. Jessie was off to the side a bit so she didn't notice it when the girl that was at the cash register was practically falling out of her extremely low cut shirt, leaving nothing to the imagination and assaulting the Niff and I at the same time. I had to do everything I could to not bust out laughing because it really was that fucking ridiculous.
After the mall we decided to skip bowling and just check out Barnes and Noble. All of a sudden, the damn that is my sister's ass because to burst. She told me that I had to get to B&N with haste because she had UBMS (Uncontrollable Bowel Movement Syndrome) all of a sudden. I was half shocked, half laughing, which made matters worse for her. Talk about a sight: I'm doing 50 mph into the parking lot, whip the car up to the door so she can haul ass (literally) out of the car and up the escalator so she doesn't feel like Uta Pepig (you should Wiki Uta if you don't know who she is).
After she calmed down, we headed back home so we could get a map of the Niff's running route she was going to be doing the next day. Lately, I've been a camera crack whore. Not in front of it, but I love talking a billion pictures, and not even looking at what I am taking half the time, just so I can see what kind of shots I'll get. When you take enough of those, you don't disappoint, and this time I didn't. I caught my sister and Lola in true form, as well as the Niff and I :)
After snagging the map we drove the route: a 13 mile cluster fuck. If I had to find my way back through all the twists and turns that the route took us through, I never would have been able to, not even for a billion dollars. It took us about an hour to drive it, hit Irving for some snacks, and drop Jessie off at home. Overall, highly productive day.
Sunday – Day 3
The biggest day of the Niff's life was upon us: we were going to see The Police at Fenway.
By a stroke of luck and a little help from The Big Man Upstairs, I was somehow able to not only secure tickets to this amazingly historical event, but I was able to get them for the day I wanted. I needed the Sunday show because I normally have games on Saturday and didn't want to miss the concert or a game. Couldn't have planned it any better.
The Niff started the day with a "brief" 13 mile run, the very same we mapped out the night before. I snagged her and brought her to get her coffee before heading home and chilling while we waited to go down to Beantown for the concert.
We parked at the normal T Station we frequent any time we venture into the big city and made our way to Fenway. I have an extreme love/hate relationship with the T. I love riding it, because mass transit rocks, but I hate it because I always seem to be on the train with that guy. You know, the guy that smells like his own urine (you hope it's his at least), a shirt that hasn't been changed in a month, and wreaking of stale cigarettes as he stumbles around.
Truth be told, we had one guy stumble onto the Green line with us, asking for change from anyone. He smelled like what I would imagine a bar would smell like after an all out bar brawl. Yet, as he went around begging for money (which I've never had a problem with, as many homeless out there do need help) he was telling anyone that he "needs the money for food, as he does not drink or drug". I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, as long as you don't smell like you were on a 3 week bender. One of his fellow drunk buddies was falling over, hugging the guy as he made his way through the train. Yet another reason why I would hate to commute on the T every day. I just don't think I'd be able to handle that.
We made it to the concert about 15 minutes prior to the opening band hitting the stage. They were Fiction Plane and were good as always. We've seen them before when we saw Sting in Manchester. The lead singer is Sting's son, looks and sounds just like him. The sound in Fenway was surprisingly good, and our seats were fantastic. We were in the box seats behind 1st base and had a perfect dead center view of the stage.
The Niff and I were feeling the thirst so she ventured to go and find some beverages and a concert T-shirt. A pint of water was $2.75, while a 20oz. bottle of Diet Coke rang in at $3.50. I drank like I was on a life raft in the middle of the ocean not knowing if I would ever be picked up by a freight ship.
Shortly after the Niff coming back, Fiction Plane finished up and the stadium lights came on.
The Niff and I get ready to rock!
Before long, the stadium lights went off, and The Police came out.
I was able to get the digital camera in there and not only take a billion pictures, but I was able to get 3 or 4 entire songs. The picture on the video isn't nearly as clear as the sound, but that is secondary for me. The Niff was in heaven and I don't think she sat down once. She was like a little kid seeing Santa Claus for the first time. I can't think of a better show I have been to.
Best Buy made the show what it was. They had 5 High Def screens on the stage that made everyone feel like they had super human vision. It really did make all the difference. I can't imagine going to the concert and not being able to see them and how much they enjoyed themselves.
I
I cannot stress how wonderful the sound quality was in there. Being a casual fan of them, I didn't know a lot of the lyrics to the songs, but I could recognize them and hear them clearly when I did know them. The light show was fantastic and the ambiance was simply amazing. You could tell people felt privileged to be there.
They didn't leave too long before they came back for their encore, but when they did it was like they were amped up and ready to go. It seemed like after the encore they were back up there for a while.
After the show, the Niff and I hung around in our seats, just amazed at the show and the sights we took in. We wanted the crowd in the T to die down a bit, and we hit Dunkin's for a drink before heading to the T station. We couldn't have waited more than 20 minutes total and it was a major difference. We weren't back in the rat race, we were just two more people on the T. A good time was had by both ;)
Monday – Day 4
Because of the concert the night before, the Niff and I slept one of those deep sleeps (meaning 9:30am for her). I can't remember what time I slept until but it was by far the latest I've slept in a long ass time. Jessie had the day off and I knew if I didn't go to see Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix at the IMax then we wouldn't have gone at all.
The Niff headed to the gym and then shopping while Jessie picked me up for the cinematic adventure we were embarking on. It was important for me to get there as close to an hour before as possible. Of course because we were in a rush that meant something would hold us back.
We were driving on the highway when the skies opened. I could have sworn we saw Noah steering his Ark down 93 South. It was that fucking bad. I was actually worried if I opened the window I might drown. It's one of those rain storms where your wipers are going as fast as they can and if they went a fraction slower you would be in danger of not being able to see a single thing.
And of course I was worried we would be late and get crappy seats.
In the span of about 2 exits, the rain was sucked back up into the sky. The second we hit the parking lot I was practically running to the door. The last time I went to an IMax movie the Niff and I felt sick, and we think it was because of where we sat. Instead of being dead center up in the back, we were late to Spiderman 3 and were forced to sit down near the front and to the side. Whether it was the angle, how close we were, or the vibrating speakers in the seats, neither of us felt good that day, and since we were paying $13 a ticket to see HP I'll be damned if I was going to get bad seats.
Much to my wonderful sister's annoyment (new word) I made us pick out our seats before we got any food, and thank God we did! Can you guess how many people were in the theater at that point (45 minutes prior)???
Five.
But that is beside the point. I wanted to secure our seats and make sure they were the best, and in retrospect, that was the right decision. I am sure Jessie would agree with me. Probably not.
We hit the "snack bar" right outside the doors to our theater and ordered from their "restaurant menu". I got a couple hot dogs, some nachos and a Diet Pepsi.
*Note: Yes, I am the fat kid everyone makes fun of when they poke fun at the fatties that go to McD's that order 12 Big Macs and a 50 piece chicken McNugget and get a large Diet Coke. Sorry, I like the stuff, and besides, I wanted a pretzel but they ran out of them so they offered nachos. Excuse me for being a large obese man with a hot dog neck.*
No trays at all to bring our bounty back to our seats, it was touch and go there for a bit. I thought I might drop one of my hot dogs and fall 10 rows down trying to catch it. After suffering an awful time in a movie once when I was a kid because I was freezing to death, I've always opted to bring a huge sweatshirt just in case it was too cold. Normally that is enough and I'm fine, even if I have shorts on because it is usually chilly but not freezing.
Not this time. It was like they were pumping the place full of liquid nitrogen. Holy fucking shit. I was wearing cargo shorts and had my sweatshirt draped over my legs and could feel my pulse weaken as the movie wore on.
The movie was great none the less, and the last 20 minutes being in 3-D was especially cool. Would definitely do it again if there was a movie I wanted to see in IMax.
After the movie we met up with the Niff at the 99 near the house and grabbed some lunner (lunch and dinner). We went a little food shopping too because we were going to the beach the next day and knew we needed to have some snacks and food for the beach.
When we got home we decided we should tent out behind the house near the fire pit. It was pretty warm out, nothing too bad, but the breeze wasn't as often as I would have liked. We tried setting a fire but the wood was still too wet from the rain earlier in the week. We got enough of a fire going with the light fluid I was squirting everywhere to get a few good S'mores going.
The littleman has some major issues with the Niff being out of his reach: we were out back, the porch is all screened in and right there and he was meowing like a motherfucker when we were busy burning marshmallows. I knew we would have to trick him so he wouldn't be meowing all night and missing her, so I setup the whole tent by myself and we left through the outside door rather than upstairs. He fell for it…sorta. He caught on and was meowing when the Niff went inside during the night. He calmed down a bit though.
It was kind of scary sleeping in the tent. I constantly thought there was a chainsaw murderer lurking close by (like the guy in the Bud Light hitchhiker commercial) because of Jessie's constant snoring. That may have saved us from the wildlife out there though. Scared the shit out of me, but looking back it seems as if it was good enough security for us.
Tuesday – Day 5
The morning started early for us as we wanted to get to the beach before the crowd hit. We decided to take advantage of my state discount and hit the cleaner nicer state park and beach, so we opted for Wallis Sands Beach. Nice little place, it has showers, a snack bar, gift shop and bathrooms. Can't get any better than that!
We strategically placed our beach blanket right near the entrance to the beach. We had no one to the immediate right or left of us and chose well. There was no way the tide was coming that far up, we were fairly far from the kids kicking the sand up in the wet sand, and it was close to the ramp where we could hit the bathrooms if needed.
The Niff had a great idea of packing our lunches. There's nothing like thinking about the sammich you made before you left the house and looking forward to opening your cooler and diving in.
We decided to just lay out for a bit (hate that fucking term) and get hot before heading into the subzero temperature that is the Atlantic Ocean. Even in the hottest weather, for as long as I've lived in New England, I've never jumped in and immediately thought it was warm. Once you hang in there (in any water I imagine, no matter how cold) for a bit, you go numb and it "feels" warm, even though it isn't.
This time was no exception.
Jessie and I ventured in first, as the Niff wanted to get some more sun before heading in. It was fucking cold. But like I said, time heals everything and time in cold water equals warmth. The waves were fairly decent, nothing too huge, but fun at least. It seemed the further Jessie and I swam out the bigger the waves got further in, but anytime we tried to swim back and enjoy the waves, they just went away. This happened at least 4 million times. No exaggeration either. For some odd reason Jessie didn't want to swim out past her neck, maybe because of the giant sharks waiting for us, who knows. Before long the Niff was in there with us, trying to enjoy the freezing water. She hung for a bit and then went in, and we did too for some sun and foodage.
*Side Note: Like in normal life, people need to wear clothes/bathing suits that are flattering. If you have a massive gunt, seriously, cover it up. I'm not being an asshole, I'm being a realist here. No one wants to see it and it's painful for us to watch. If you are a little overweight, fine. In fact, I'm happy that you feel comfortable in being comfortable "in your own skin", but let's get real here. Don't wear a fucking bikini if you are 100 lbs. overweight, and for any guys (don't care if you have the body of LL Cool J), leave the fucking banana hammocks at home. No one wants to see you wang drooping down between your legs after you've oiled yourself up with olive oil.*
After waiting the requisite 30 minutes before swimming again after a meal (don't want to cramp up and drown afterall), we headed back into the water for a bit. By that time it was getting pretty busy and we realized that was the time we would want to bolt out of there, as it was getting pretty damn crowded.
We headed home as the crowd arrived, and we spent far too much time shopping for snacks at the Irving nearby. There's something about Irving gas stations that suck us in and keep us there for disgusting amounts of time. Not really sure what that thing is really…
Wednesday – Day 6
Patriots Training Camp was our big plan for Wednesday. We wanted to get there early so we could get good seats, as the first open camp day they had they got 6,000 fans. We hung around the house for the morning and hit the gym before coming home and making lunch and heading down to Foxboro.
We went a way I've never been before, and sort of felt like it took longer than usual, but I don't think it did. It probably just felt that way because I've never been that way before. I usually take 495 South, but we opted to take 95 South instead.
*Note: never take 95 North again during rush hour. I've been up 495 North during rush hour and although it can be busy, it is not maddening like 95 North is. Holy fucking shit. It took us almost twice as long to get home as it did to get there!!! At one point we were doing a solid 5 mph, until we stopped and sat there for a few minutes, before rolling another 40 feet and stopping. Almost went insane.*
We got there over an hour early, and ate our lunch in the car. Again, second day in a row eating packed lunches, but it was the best thing we could have done, and I'll get to why in a second…
I was getting kinda nervous seeing people walking up to the stadium but with tickets. Training camp is free, so I was kinda freaking out wondering what the fuck was going on because it seemed that everyone had tickets. Before long, we finished lunch and hustled down to wait in line. It turns out all those people were "VIPs" and were going inside the stadium for some pre-camp festivities and had the tickets so they could sit in their own special area for camp.
The line wasn't that bad in front of us, and hanging in line for 45 minutes wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's really sad because I think there is a big faction of PWT (Poor White Trash) that make up Patriot Nation. It's just awful: people missing teeth (men and women), guys standing around in line and swearing with kids around, guys talking about friends that got the Flying Elvis tattooed on their arm only they got the logo reversed, grown Mawomen (half man, half women, but not SHIM like: remember, a SHIM is someone you don't know if the person is a she or a him) trying to be one of the guys and still somehow hold on to some semblance of femininity (which is actually impossible).
Before long the line was absolutely massive. They really fucked it up though, because in order to walk to the end of the line, you had to walk past the entrance to camp, and as soon as they opened up the gates, the people that were about to walk to the end of the line immediately cut in and ran in. I think I would have had a misunderstanding with some people if I was up there and people rushed past me. Some of them would have tripped for sure.
We both hustled and stayed high up on the bleachers so we could see everything. I picked an end of a row so the Niff could wander if she wanted without having to ask a million people to stand up while we shuffle past.
It was awesome. At first no one was there, and you could get the sheer size of the practice fields (80 yards in length, 4 fields next to each other).
The Niff got us some roster sheets so we could identify the new players on the team, and she snagged one for Steve too. I asked how much water was, and holy shit: $3.50 for a pint of water, $4.00 for a 20 oz. Gatorade. It was $3.50 for a slice of Papa Gino's pizza! I know it's free, but that is beyond highway robbery, that's FUCKED!!! Made me even happier we packed lunch and went that way. I would have been broke if I had to make a whole meal out of what they had to sell.
It was awesome though. We watched them stretch, run routes, do tackling drills, do pass rushing skill drills, and do full offense vs. full defense.
It was AWESOME. Randy Moss and Adalius Thomas are both as big as they seem on TV, and even bigger.
As it was wrapping up, the Niff and I decided to cut out before the crowd bolted. We weren't in a good position to get many (or any) autographs so we made the right decision and when we left the 3rd defense was playing and finishing up against the 3rd string defense. We went to hit up the Pro Shop and wouldn't you know there was a line of about 50-100 people out the door waiting to go in. We both got out of the car and as soon as we saw that we both laughed and just turned around.
Like I said before, traffic home was awful, but the day itself was well worth it. We got a ton of pictures and some video, and it was a successful first trip to Training Camp for the Niff!
Thursday – Day 7
I've lived in New Hampshire for more years than I've lived anywhere else, and prior to this summer I've never been to Weirs Beach, which I've talked about in a previous post. Up until recently, I've heard of the Polar Caves, but never really knew what they were, or where they were, or what you do in them.
Until now.
For the third day in a row (we saved a ton of money in the end doing this) we packed our lunches and drove up to the Polar Caves. Not really sure what town it is exactly, but I know it's very close to Plymouth, NH, if not in Plymouth. Very quiet up there.
We paid our admission and hiked a bit past the animals there in the fenced in area. We would check them out after we agreed. We hiked a bit up to the caves, and they were just that: caves.
As we got closer to the caves, it got very cold. In the open air it was about 85 out, but once you got near the caves the temperature dropped at least 40 degrees. The caves are these little rock caves that the local Indians hid in, lived in, and explored during their time. It was pretty interesting. You have to get ready to get some bumps and bruises as you sometimes have to contort your body to make your way through some of the caves. It was the dead of summer and one cave still had a chunk of ice in it. Pretty cool.
We took a few pictures, but not too many, as many of the caves had crevices that could have been trouble if we didn't pay attention and I didn't want to risk dropping the camera, my keys or wallet (all in the same camera bag) into some gash in the side of a mountain.
The view up top was quite nice, although it was odd to get to the top and see some dood on break smoking. Talk about fucked up. Just picture it: beautiful blue sky, no clouds, mountains in the distance, trees everywhere, birds flying around, and …you come up the stairs to see some guy just sitting there at the highest point of the whole place smoking. Yeah. Awesome. What the fuck is wrong with people? I won't go into my anti-smoking rave right now, but when you are representing a beautiful place like that, why the fuck would you do it right there?
If I could have tossed him over the side of the mountain, I would have, but we had one particular cave to conquer. There is a pass in the mountain called the Lemon Squeeze, and only people of a certain size can get through. If you can't, you can go through the Orange Crush right next to it, but the glory is in the Squeeze. The Niff said when she was little she was too big to get through there and it was going to be an accomplishment for her to make it through. She was worried, but…
in the end…she got through!!!
Wasn't rough for her at all, she could have probably ran straight on through it, but I was a different story.
Now, I'm a hefty fellow. Not too big, not too small, but what some parents might call husky. I'm someone that loves those buffets, extra helpings and eating snacks right before bed. But I work out, so I maintain my girlish figure for the most part. I don't think the Niff thought I had a shot at making it through, but I wanted to at least try. I am a squirmy little fellow and used every bit of space the Squeeze gave me and I made it through. Yay Niff and yay me!!!
On the way down to the animals we stopped in one of the gift shops that was a maple sugar barn. There wasn't anyone in there at first, the person manning the counter was outside talking to someone else that worked there.
Now, normally when I catch the backend of someone's conversation, I give them the benefit of the doubt and a few seconds to finish talking about whatever they are discussing if it's on the borderline of inappropriate before wondering what the fuck is wrong with them.
We're inside the barn and this girl outside is talking to another guy about some run in with the law she had. Not only did she not stop talking about it, but she went into detail about it as she walked back into the gift shop. Something about misdemeanors, hefty fine, and points on your license. Hmmmm, I wonder.
After that wonderful encounter with yet another piece of PWT, we wandered back down the path toward the animals. They were pretty brave and hungry, but I guess you'd expect that when they are around people all the time and constantly being fed for a quarter by the little kids running around there.
Overall, it was quite worth it. I had a lot of fun and would love to go up there again and try it in a couple years, see if I'm still stealthy and can sneak through the Squeeze. Thank God the Niff got out of there in time, she almost got eaten by the Polar Bear there...
Up next for the Niff will be our adventure up north to do the ziplines in the trees! That is a different story though, I need to lose at least 10 lbs. before the ropes will hold me. Oh, the life of a husky man-child.
Friday – Day 8
The Niff and I had a pretty relaxed day planned for Friday, and basically we just had to go to the Mall of New Hampshire in Manchester. We tooled around and just browsed in our usual favorite stores, but the Niff was on a mission to find some new shampoo and conditioner. Little did I know that this would be a defining moment in my life…
We walked into the Hair Cosmopolitan and I wandered around. When I have little interest in a store that is what I do, because I am bored. It's as simple as that. Being someone that really doesn't give to shits about his hair, this is probably the Mecca of Boredom for me.
So I wander…and wander…and happen upon the area with the wooden handled brushes. These are the flat back kind that have the soft bristles that sometimes your barber has that sit on a shelf and never seem to be used.
So I grab one of them and wander back to the Niff who was still trying to figure out what she wanted to get. She was in the row in front of the register, about 15 feet from the girl standing behind the counter when I walk up to the Niff and I show her the brush. I mockingly slightly lift my hat and pretend I'm one cool mother fucker that is brushing his hair. Now, the brush never even touched my head, never came close. At all. At any point. The Niff warned me I shouldn't do that because people might think I was using it.
She was right.
I go to bring it back as I'm laughing at her because who the fuck would think I was using it? Well, the girl behind the counter. I barely get near the counter (the brushes were off to the right of it) when the girl behind it is giving me the death stare and says, "You can just leave that here…" I'm thinking who cares.
And then it happens.
I walk back to the Niff and as she is telling me that she told me so we here the fucking doucherag yell to the back of the store where the salon is for one of the girls to "come over there to disinfect this brush". Now, she wasn't discrete about it at all. By any means. She could have done it 1000 ways, but she wanted to be an assqueen and spout it off about as loud as she could. She did it because she knew I would hear her and she didn't care. I was so fucking pissed, I grabbed the Niff by the hand and told her I'd rather go some other place and buy what she was looking for, even if it would cost twice as much. Don't treat me like a stupid asshole and expect me to stay in there. What pisses me off more than anything is that I never even used it on my hair. I could totally understand something like that, but even then, don't embarrass someone like that. That's just fucked.
The Niff and I spent a lot of time talking about what her malfunction was and we both concluded she's just a fucking douche bag haughty little bitch. And then we started thinking about how she would tell all her friends, and before you knew it we had a million scenarios she would come up with.
"Oh. Me. Gee. Marissa! This fat disgusting slob with a mustard stained wife beater came in here with his greasy ass mullet and was brushing his hair with one of our brushes! I had to have Chelle burn it!!!"
Or
"Holy shit!!! Tiffy!!! So I was working at the Coz today and you would not believe what happened!!! This homeless man walked in off the street smelling like beer and stale cigarettes and walked to the brushes and used it on his beard! I had to threaten to call the police so he would leave!"
Or
"OH MY GOD…Kiki, I can't believe you missed work today! Some huge nasty ass guy that must have weighed 400lbs. walked in, knocking everything off the shelves with his gut and he grabbed one of our brushes and used it in his lice infested hair!"
Or
"So there I was, working my usual shift at HaCo and this absolutely fat ass came in for God knows what reason, and he went to the brushes and was using it in his Crisco greased up hair! I couldn't take it, I threw up in my mouth and then was like, "Get out of here Shamu, go back to Sea World you fat disgusting slob! What are you doing???"
Or
"Beckah! You will not believe what happened to me today! This NASTY fat disgusting slob came in here and used one of our brushes!!! Of the shelf!!! He was balding so I have no idea why he even would want a brush, but he was so disgusting I had to make myself throw up again today."
Those are just a few of the conversations I am sure this smelly douche had with some of her friends over "the incident". The really sad thing about all of it is I was so relaxly (word I just made up) dressed, that perhaps if I was dressed up or was this hot looking Abercrombie type model, this fucking douche canoe wouldn't have said jack shit to me. At the very least she wouldn't have announced "the incident" as loudly as she could, as if I started a fucking fire.
These are the types of people in the world I cannot stand, and although some people think that spitting in someone's face is degrading…well, I'd agree, it is…but that is the type of reaction I'm apt to consider in the future when treated like a giant piece of shit in front of other people. If you already treat me like I'm an abhorrent scab that you want to pick and be done with, I'll give you something to puss over.
Saturday – Day 9
Saturday was supposed to be a fairly lazy day because of my game. The Niff decided it would be fun to take a walk into town for some coffee. She told me it was only about a 3 mile round trip, but it was hot and I hate walking. In fact, if I had a Segway, I would have tagged along on that bad larry.
Yeah, so I can be lazy at times, shocking!
Anyway, so we walked to this cute little bakery on Broadway, and the Niff got a coffee while I pounded down some rather disappointing Tiramisu (they didn't soak the lady fingers in the espresso at all), but it was still good if you pretended it wasn't Tiramisu. I also grabbed a muffin for my real breakfast.
We had a nice walk home, and I love walking with the Niff. I just don't like walking terribly fast because it goes from being relaxing and enjoyable to a sweatfest and then I breathe heavy and I'm ready to pass out.
After we got home, we relaxed for a while before my game. It was our first home game, and although I am sure it was exciting for the fans, it's not terribly exciting when your team loses 14-9 late in the game. If I had nothing at stake I could easily see how it would be entertaining though so I guess I can't complain too much. Hopefully this week will be different though. We have a couple huge Offensive Linemen coming from the Manchester Wolves that we signed before the roster deadline hit. These guys are the real deal, they not only look the part, but they look like probably two of the most solid football players I've ever seen. Can't wait to unleash them this weekend and root on the offense as they put up some serious points.
At the end of the receiving line the owner of the Devils, Mr. Dunn barely shook my hand. I watched him shake everyone else's with a big smile and then barely even look at me when it was my turn. Little bastard is lucky I didn't kick him in the balls right there. He's the fucking coward that never wrote back to my emails in the offseason, he's the piece of shit that blocked us from playing in Manchester, and he's the two faced bastard that said he planned on removing certain guys we both agreed were cancers on his team and yet they played against us…interesting. Little bitch.
The Niff was in attendance, along with her mom and Mike, and little Peter and the little boy from next door. I would have liked to have given them a better game to watch, but if they found it exciting, that's all that matters, right?
Sunday – Day 10
It was with great sadness that our final day of vacation hit. We both agreed we had a few things to do but wanted to relax as well. To that point, we had a fun filled vacation and wanted to end it on a low key note.
The Niff went on another Bataan Death March run early in the morning so I went food shopping to get it out of the way. I picked her up on the side of the road where we agreed I would meet her at a certain time and went home to have some breakfast. We knew we wanted to hit the mall again for a couple things, but we wanted lunch first. Since I'm always harping on her to go to Chili's (love the fajitas) she suggested it before I could even think about it and off we went.
We kicked it off with some southwestern style egg rolls. Those could be the premier appetizer for that place, especially with the dipping sauce. Simply amazing. I got the Buffalo Chicken Fajitas and was not disappointed. The Niff got a grilled chicken sammich and ate black beans for the first time since she almost died!!! Good stuff.
After lunch we hit the mall real quick, even dared to walk past "the Coz" but the douche rag wasn't at the front as we walked by.
When we got home it was time to watch some football, as it was the Hall of Fame game, the first preseason game on the NFL season, which is always a good sign. Before it came on, the Niff and I walked up the street as she lit some 10 year old sparklers we've had kicking around in a drawer, to mark the end of our vacation and a great one at that.
Overall, it was an awesome vacation, and I'm glad we documented it properly with the amount of pictures and video we took, as well as documented it here for posterity sake. It will be cool to look back at the pictures and read this giant entry and remember all the good times with extreme fondness :)
