This is a touchy subject. It's been hashed and rehashed a million times. But I have to, it goes against all fiber of my being to not. My only disclaimer is I am not an elitist or anything like that, far from it. There is a right and a wrong way to do things though.
Begin rant:
I cannot stand certain types and even specific people at the gym. Yes the January crowd is always the worst. They come in with their brand new tracksuits and sneakers and take over the entire place. Need a treadmill? Sorry they are all walking 1.0 mph for 60 minutes while chatting on their phone to a friend. How about that bench? Sorry that guy is reading an entire book in between sets.
Common courtesy goes a very long way. No one truly wants to be there. Yeah, working out can be fun, but given the choice of have the body you want for free or working out, only sadists would choose working out.
These people go to great lengths to park as close to the gym as possible. They create their own spaces. They will park on giant snow banks. They will park illegally. I mean, why should they park half a mile down the road like I have to because there are 12 million new people at the gym and walk in freezing rain to workout? I mean, seriously, these people are making a concerted effort to take back their live and their health in their own hands! Why should they have to park normally like the rest of us?
And that brings me to proper dress. I'm not part of the fashion police. Not even fucking close. But there are two rules when working out in the gym as far as clothing goes: make sure it fits and make sure it's clean. If you want to workout in jeans, whatever. That's fine. Just make sure they fit and aren't around your ankles when you are squatting. Or your shirt is so tight I can count your chest hairs through it.
Side note #1: to the guy that has worked out at my gym for the last 3 years, seriously, you do not need to wear bike shorts every day. You don't even go to spin class. No one wants to see your junk. AT ALL. It was bothersome when they were black, and no it's downright awful now that you switched it up and bought some red ones. Seriously. And you smell like egg salad that has been in the sun for a few hours. Wash that shit.
I get it, I really do. You are at the gym to lose weight, or improve in some sport or activity, or better yourself, or to just be generally healthy. So get off the phone. Don't text. Don't call people. Don't answer your phone. In fact, leave it in the fucking car. No one wants to hear how you worked late today and are at the gym working out and how your weekend is shaping up. You are wasting your time, just go home. You're also wasting my time. If I want to use your machine, why should I have to politely interrupt you to ask if I can work in? You're the douchebag, not me.
If you are new to the gym, learn how to lift. Watch other people. Read some magazines. Get a personal trainer. Don't half ass and wing it. You're hurt yourself and look like an idiot. Like the guy the other day that attempted way too much wait on the cable crossover machine and not only almost lost an eye, but almost hit someone with it when it flew out of his hand.
Side note #2: to the guy that brings his teenage son to the gym every day and then sits on his ass in a brightly colored sweatsuit and points at things for his son to do - get off your fat ass and workout. Dude, you qualify for Biggest Loser. If you even worked out half the time you are in that gym watching other people workout you would already be in a XXL sweatsuit instead of an XXXXXL.
When you clean off a machine when you are done with it, spray the paper towel, not the treadmill/arc trainer/stationary bike/rowing machine/elliptical. People are working out around you, there are fans everywhere. Where do you think even some of that spray is going to go? Oh yeah, in other people's faces. Think before acting like a moron.
Talking is acceptable, just be aware of who is around you. That goes for tone, subject, loudness, and especially be aware of people that are spying the machine you are 'using' while chatting to someone else. Ask them if they want to work in. Or ask them if they want to use it. Simple things go a long way.
Side note #3: to the woman I see every Friday night who sings so loudly I can hear her upstairs over the piped in music and my iPod music that's maxed out: seriously just shut the fuck up. You are awful. You are worse than awful. You surely are completely tone deaf, if not just deaf. I can't put into words what you sound like, just that you have to stop.
Is this a completely unnecessary rant? Maybe. Is it long winded? Of course. But is it true? All of it. 100%. Absolutely.
The way I figure it - if someone reads this and it changes what they do, even one little thing, that makes life better for those of us that work out, it was well worth it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I can't wait to see bike short guy, Whitney Houston's crackhead tone deaf sister, and the Koolaid Man.
